Valentine’s Day spirit should sizzle all year

No matter what the weather might be next week, hearts will still be all aflutter as romantics of all ages prepare to impress their significant others with gifts, kisses, and sweet promises for the future.

Even as I approach the big 7-0, I still look forward to Feb. 14, anxiously expecting the usual mushy card and a chocolate heart under my pillow, and hoping that the little gift that I got for my wife was not to old-fashioned.

Whatever gift or message may come our way next Tuesday, it is the thought behind it that counts, as well as the ongoing spirit of love that will hopefully carry on all year round, with just a little understanding and compromise along the way. Now that Cupid’s red-hot arrow is set and the shy and saucy romantics are all rushing out to purchase that perfect valentine’s treat, I am going to have just a little fun with this very special occasion.

Valentine’s Day commandments for him and her

• I am thy main squeeze, and thou shalt not squeeze any others before me.

• Thou shalt not take the name of thy squeeze in vain, nor bad mouth me behind my back.

• Remember our anniversary, and keep it holy, or else!

• Honour my father and mother because I still can’t figure out yours.

• Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or snobbishly, or making me embarrassed to be seen with thee.

• Thou shalt never fool around, nor shalt thou even think about it, if thou knowest what’s good for thee.

• Thou shalt not snitch my wallet/purse while I am in the bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long distance calls from my cellphone.

• Thou shalt not talk about our little spats or personal problems to our friends, at the office, or to your bowling team.

• Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbour’s house, boat, trailer, or whatever, else, because we do not need to keep up to the Joneses to be happy.

Valentine’s Day dos and don’ts

• Don’t give her a box of chocolates clumsily rearranged and re-wrapped in an attempt to hide the fact that you have eaten all the caramel ones.

• Avoid giving her any food items that list the calorie count or contain words on the label such as diet, light, or high fibre. Gift certificates for two to her favourite restaurant or for an afternoon of massages and pampering are just great, but a fancy set of pots and pans or a new cookbook are no-nos on this romantic occasion.

• All Valentine’s Day cards contain a really nice message, but don’t just sign your name to that, because we all appreciate getting a nice personal secret message from our lovable and incredible partners!

• Don’t marry the person you want to live with — marry the one you can’t live without.

• Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. Always try to weather the storms so that we can enjoy the sunny days, and the bright stars of the night!

An old love poem with a wonderful message

To my favourite Valentine (February 1944)

She’s very young, and oh so fair,

Then away they go, our precious granddaughters!

Valentines love-notes and tidbits

• This coming Valentine’s Day millions of blushing or arrogant romantics will rush out and buy 110 million roses, 35 million heart-shaped chocolates, and a vast array of other delightful ‘just from you to me’ gifts.

• Did you know three per cent of all pet owners give their pet a valentine’s treat? The most fantastic and expensive gift of love in history was the Taj Mahal in India, built by Emperor Shah Jahan as a memorial to his wife.

Like many of you I watched the Super Bowl football extravaganza all Sunday afternoon, and while the game was great, I really enjoyed the halftime show with Madonna and those $3.5 million commercials.

Best joke on Monday morning was that the Super Bowl was finally over! The frantic fan turned off his television set with a sigh, looked around the room, and discovered that his wife had left him in November.

It doesn’t really matter what the sleepy and grumpy old groundhog saw last week, just go ahead and have a great week, all of you!